A while ago I did a post called Toxic Thoughts and Ruining Relationships about how our thoughts can go wild and feed our concerns and worries with unnecessary stories (that normally are not true). Today I found whole bunch of questions on Yahoo Answers that really make an example of what toxic thoughts can do, or what they look like.
Here are a few of them:
Not exactly the reply I expected?
After a night of lovemaking and a morning of Oral Sex I text my husband who is at work until 10pm what I wanted to do to him tonight, he text back asking if that satellite had landed yet, not exactly the reply I hoped for, why did I not get the reply I expected. Confused.
You can tell that her mind is making up stuff in the question by a few tell-tale signs. First she didn’t get the response she hoped for. This means that she had a set reaction that she was expecting and therefore her mind was set in a kind of grove about how it was going to play out for her. When it didn’t go that way her mind automatically went to the negative – or toxic thoughts.
I can just imagine her asking herself silly things like:
- Did he not think I was good enough?
- Did I do something wrong?
- Did he not enjoy it as much as I did?
Of course these questions would lead to even more questions and worry and soon she won’t enjoy their next love making session because she will be worried!
Here’s another question on the other side of the coin:
Is my husband in love with someone else?
The other day, I walked into our home office and he was checking her online profiles and one of them was Linkedin. I have my own and know that you can see who looked at your profile. Because I also know the privacy setting he has (and so does he), SHE would have known that he went to her page.
Am I right to think that he was doing this because he misses her? And he wanted her to know that he was looking her up by checking Linkedin as well?
(He was also checking her Facebook profile and looking at a picture of her face, but closed it when I walked in.)
Recently, after not talking for 9 months, HE OFFERED HER A JOB as his assistant. She said no. Does he still want her?
This question would make anyone crazy! First of all she knew about what her husband was doing but she didn’t actually talk to him? She just let her mind decide what was happening and why he was doing it, and worse that it was over between them!
Then she see’s this new behavior, and again, instead of talking to him about it she makes up more stories in her head (that may fit the crime) but still are just stories in her head.
This is why communication is so important! You have to talk to your partner when you find out something that you are unsure about. I’m not sure if she was scared of losing this guy by admitting that she knew, but seriously wouldn’t that be better than making things up in her head?
And lastly why is she asking yahoo answerers to tell her what he thinks! Why isn’t she asking him?!
The bottom line: You can’t know the truth about what someone is thinking or doing unless you talk to them. The random thoughts that you make up in your head are not real – they are stories that you tell yourself to deal with what you don’t know for sure. Don’t do that! They are toxic to your health and your sanity. Find out the truth - Deal with the truth – And go from there.