I started dating my Husband about five years ago and when we started dating his sister had just started dating someone as well.
This guy was, and still is, a jerk. He’s a 35 year old Italian mamas boy who lived at home his whole life. He looks about 55 or more because he’s so frickin unhealthy. He smokes and eats and drinks and sleeps. He can’t cook for himself or do his own laundry… I’d be surprised if he can wipe his own ass.
His mother, his sisters, his cousins and now my sister in law all cater to his every desire and, to be honest, he has every right to think he’s the shit because they all treat him like he is the shit!
I think he came over to her house to see her a few times. Other than that she sat by the phone waiting for him to call and once in a while they would go out and have some coffee. My guy and I were together as much as we could be because we actually enjoyed each others company so we both got to see the black eye, and we both got to hear her story about how she fell into the corner of her car door while getting out of it.
I knew she was lying right away just from the way she talked about it. I also know that in the one in a million chance my eye connected with the corner of my car door, there would be a pretty good chance of it popping out or my eyeball getting injured but not much chance of a black eye.
Anyhow we started watching her after that and sometimes she would have hand prints on her arm. Almost like he had grabbed her and squeezed as hard as he could. Yes, this could be some sort of sexual thing but if you knew her…you would know it wasn’t. She’s just not like that in any way shape or form.
She never talks about him. He never comes out to any family or friend functions. In fact the one time her friends met him they didn’t like him and she knew it. He never tried to be friends with us or even talk with us and we are pretty friendly people, plus my guy is her brother and they were super close at this time.
But for some reason they are still together. Her really close friends say that she wants a baby badly. She’s only 31. That really can’t be the reason she’s staying with this guy. Can it?
So a year goes by of this weirdness and she has lots of examples of healthy relationships around her yet when he asks her to marry him, she says yes. A year later they’re married and 9 months after that she’s got her baby. Nothing anyone could have said would have stopped all this. She wanted her baby and he was Italian and that’s that.
By the way my husbands family is Italian and his mom would have dropped dead if she would have married anything but an Italian. It was another bonus for them to get married. Screw having your own mind and marrying someone that is good for you. Someone that actually shows love for you. At the wedding I saw him when they walked down the Isle and for one dance they had together. That’s it. So she pretty much had a wedding by herself. So sad.
I know she’s still getting abused only he’s better at hiding it and now she’s brought a poor baby into it.
He barely comes for suppers with my husbands mom. But when he does he never talks to us and it’s so apparent he wants to get away. So he focuses all his attention on the baby so he doesn’t have to look at us and I’ve seen him be quite rough with the baby. His now wife just laughs when he does this and giggles for him to stop. What the hell?
When he’s not around though she complains about him like he’s the worst thing ever. She gets a kick out of talking about how dumb he is and I recognize it as her ego saying…poor me, I have to live with this guy for the rest of my life and he’s the father of my kid, poor me – feel bad for me.
But this could have all been avoided if she had just listened to her friends and family and most importantly her gut instinct which had to have told her to get rid of his ass.
So there’s nothing we can do about his abuse cause she won’t admit it. There’s nothing we can do about how unhappy of a person she’s become and how she’s starting to isolate herself closer to his huge family and farther from her small one that actually loves her.
His family loves the kid she produced with him but gives very little attention to her. She’s losing friends and I personally think she’s losing her mind.
We sit and wait for her to realize all of this and to come to the people who love her for help. It would be so easy for her to leave him and start a happy life somewhere else.
I’ve seen it happen over and over with other woman who are scared but finally take the plunge and it just goes uphill from there. It’s never as bad as they picture it in their head. But they can only take that plunge when they open their eyes and want something better for themselves.
So please if you are being abused, or if you are unhappy, or looking for something different or more…take that plunge. That really is the hardest part. Talk to the people that love you and I’m sure they are sitting there waiting just like we are to help you get out of the situation.
Everyone deserves to be happy and have a joyful life.