Let's try to figure out relationships!

   
    

How to Find Love After 30

So many people put high expectations on themselves to find love, get married, and have children all before the age of 30. But believe me, 30 is not very old, and there is still plenty of time to find love, get married, and have children if that’s what you want to do.

There are some people that settle after 30 for any relationship just because they want to get on with their expected lives. They are thinking about their wants and letting that blind them to what love is really all about.

Those relationships normally end up in breakup or heartache and – sadly, regret. It’s very hard to look back twenty years down the line, 3 children later, and wish you had take some more time to find true love.

Age does bring about a sense of awareness that you don’t have when you are younger. You have a better sense of who you are and where you are going – and this can make you an excellent, stable partner in life.

But if you are not in the right mind-set then you can really cause more damage than good to your quest to find love. Here are some things to remember about how to find love after 30.

Don’t Become Bitter or Angry

If you have become bitter or angry then you may be scaring people away, and consequently scaring love away. I personally don’t think being over 30 is considered old, but a lot of people tend to grow more and more negative about love, and finding love, as time goes on.

For instance, I once had a guy comment that he was sick of hearing ‘Love will come when you least expect it, just wait for it!’ He exclaimed that was all very easy for people to say but much harder for him to do since he had been waiting for so long! It just made him angrier and bitterer, and love was starting to seem like a fantasy that was never going to happen.

I could only imagine what that guy says to himself about love on a daily basis, but I’m sure there is a lot more bitterness and anger inside him.

Of course this behavior and attitude makes him someone that an older woman wouldn’t find attractive! So he’s creating a vicious cycle that he won’t be able to get out of until he accepts that he has to let the anger go and become a guy that women will want to be around.

If he could only shift his perception on love then he would be more accepting and open-hearted and therefore have a better chance to find love.

Don’t Become Desperate

You may start to panic after 30, 35, or 40 if you haven’t found that perfect partner. That panic can very easily turn into desperation.

When you are desperate to find love you tend do one of two things:

1. Accept any loser into your life no matter how far away they are from your ideal person.

2. Try to change every person you meet into the ideal partner, no matter who they are.

You cannot change people, no matter how hard you try. You may be able to force them to be someone they are not – for awhile, but they will eventually resent you so much for it that you will end up creating a really ugly problem in your relationship or end up losing them.

The best way to not become desperate is to stay happy in the now. Enjoy what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t. Appreciate what is around you and what your life is made up of right now and, even if you would like love in your life, you will not feel desperate to find it.

Give Love a Chance

You will probably never find that absolutely perfect person. They may be almost exactly what you want, but lack just a few tiny details – or maybe a few big details.

After 30 most of us have developed our own way of doing things and our own path in life that we are on. That’s when you have to make a choice about how you view other people, because true love starts with you.

I relate love to happiness. You cannot be happy with someone else unless you are happy with yourself first. There is nothing in the world that someone else can do to make you really feel happy about yourself, them, and life. You choose to feel happy or not. It’s all about your perception, viewpoint, and choices.

It’s the same with love.

There is nothing that someone else can do to make you really feel love. They may do all the right things and say all the right things, but if you choose not to love them then you will never love them.

But if you recognize that you are on your own path in life and that you have your own unique way of living, and you realize that this is true for others as well then you can loosen up your judgements or requirements and love someone for who they really are.

The point is that you have to be open and accepting and not judge other people too quickly or you may close off a lot of people who could potentially be your true love – if you would just give them a chance.

So remember it’s not the age that matters, it’s the mind-set. If you start to become bitter and angry, desperate, or stop giving people a chance to prove their worthiness then you may start to close yourself off from finding love. Don’t do that! Everyone deserves to have heart-pounding, life enhancing love.

Related Posts:

[related_posts limit=”3″ image=”38″]

Post Tagged with ,

8 Responses so far.

  1. Dia says:

    Hi Bellaisa,

    Yep, people have to stop being desperate looking for love. If someone wants to have a healthy relationship, they have to first work on their internal mind and correct their beliefs, thoughts. As the law says, “As within so without.” If a person convinces himself that he will find someone to love and that he doesn’t feel the lack inside of him/her, then it wouldn’t take much time to find someone to love. But, the majority of work begins with correcting our internal thoughts, visualize, etc… Thanks for sharing, great post :)

    • Bellaisa says:

      Dia,

      Thanks for the insightful, and dead-on-correct comment.

      I suppose being aligned with yourself first is easier said than done sometimes, but it’s really what needs to be done in order to find someone or to attract someone you want to you.

      I think if everyone was raised to just know that desperation (feeling lack) causes lack externally as well, while being internally calm and happy and fulfilled causes more fulfillment then it wouldn’t be hard at all. But like you said, we can correct our internal thoughts and beliefs and head in that direction quite quickly.

  2. I truly agree of what Dia says in his comment because honestly Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action.

  3. Emily says:

    “After 30 most of us have developed our own way of doing things and our own path in life that we are on.” – I know, we are all getting grumpy, huh? Great advices, I enjoyed reading this a lot! I hope that I can use them…

  4. I have heard that finding love later in life is very difficult. I am so glad that I found my wife of more than 40 years when I was a younger man! Great article though!

    • Bellaisa says:

      Lucky guy :)

      I have to think it’s only as hard as people make it. Love is love – we all want it and we all give the same kind of love whether we are 20 or 80.

      Thanks for stopping by!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>