Do You Communicate The Right or Wrong Way?
It’s going to happen. You are going to have communication problems with in your relationship. The chances of it not happening are very slim if you have not learned how to effectively communicate with your partner.
Miscommunication happens because we all hear and say things differently – we interpret things differently. But if you learn how to communicate with your partner in a respectful and effective way then you can all but avoid communication problems in your relationship, because you will be communicating in a way you both enjoy.
6 Important Things To Remember That Will Help you Overcome Your Communication Problems in Relationships
1. Remember That Men and Women Speak and Hear Differently!
I used to think this was a sexist way of looking at things, that was before I started studying relationships and the relationship dynamics between a man and a woman. Men and women think, speak, and hear differently. It’s a matter of fact!
If you haven’t readMen Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, then I suggest picking it up! It will help you to understand the opposite sex a little better, and even understand yourself a little better. It will make communication problems non-existent once you understand how to properly communicate with your partner.
2. Listen Considerately!
Two communication problems stem from not listening considerately.
The first reason we don’t listen considerately during communication is because we think we are right! We tend to have our guards up and speak without listening just so we can prove our point. All this does is make your partner feel unheard and as though you feel they are beneath you in some regard. Listen to what your partner has to say and remember that they have a point of view too!
Another reason we don’t listen is because we think we know what our partner is going to say. We guess at their responses to questions and fill in the blanks with our own made-up answers. If you don’t listen to your partner you will never know what they really have to say.
3. Don’t Blame Your Partner
Don’t play the blame game. It never ends well. Instead of trying to point the finger at your partner while communicating try taking credit for your end of the relationship issues. By doing this you will make communication less threatening to your partner and more fluent between the two of you.
Instead of telling your partner that they are the ones that make life miserable for you, try telling them that you would like them to be more attentive because you appreciate it when they are. See how blame comes across a lot more miserable than simply stating how you are affected.
Bottom line: Don’t blame when communicating as it only causes communication problems, instead see things from both sides.
4. Don’t Travel Outside The Facts While Communicating
Not sticking to the facts is a huge part of communication problems in relationships. It causes hurt, anger, and unnecessary fighting.
Stick to the facts as you know it and don’t bring up stuff that you can’t prove – at least from their point of view.
For example if your partner hurt you in front of some friends you may be inclined to say “You disrespected me in front of my friends!” You can’t prove this as much as you believe it because everyone has different standards of respect. But if you say “I was embarrassed when you told Susan that you don’t think I should ask for a promotion” then you are stating the facts of how you felt. Your partner can’t argue it because it’s how you felt and you get your point across in a better manner this way as well.
5. Be Honest But Considerate
If you normally take the ‘I’m always right road’ then you are not doing your relationship any favors, nor your communication problems. Your partner is not going to want to talk to you EVER if you take that approach. But you still want to be honest with your feelings and thoughts.
When you need to speak your mind be considerate of your partners feelings. Use kindness, respect, and tact. If you attack your partner or try to hurt them in some way, even if you think you are being honest, you are not going to get very far in getting through to them. In fact, they will probably stop listening after a short time. Instead say things in a way that doesn’t hurt them or attack them. Be honest, but considerate.
6. Don’t Try To Coach Your Partner
Your partner most likely did not get into a relationship with you expecting your to rectify their bad habits and personality flaws. They weren’t looking for another mother or father, elder, boss, or coach in their life. They were looking for a friend and partner to share their life with. So don’t be anyone but that!
I’ve said this a million times but it’s true. Everyone has different beliefs, thoughts, and history that makes them who they are today. If you tell them that they are wrong when they do something then you are telling them that their beliefs, thoughts, and history are wrong – you are essentially telling them that THEY are wrong. That’s not something anyone wants to feel, especially when their partner made them feel like that.
A relationship partner is supposed to support their partner, not change them. If your partner has bad habits that you think are hurting them then constructive criticism is essential, but the key word is constructive. It should help them see things in a new way, not force them to change because you said so.
And remember, positive feedback always works better than negative feedback. Negative feedback creates communication problems.
So when your partner does something that you agree with or enjoy then let them know that! Chances are they will increase that action that you enjoyed and do it more, and eventually cut out what you dislike anywise.
For example, if your partner always throws their clothes on the floor and you continuously yell at them about how childish it is to throw clothes on the floor, then they are not likely to pick up their clothes. But if you notice one day that they do pick up their clothes and make them feel like the most special person in the world for doing so, chances are they will pick up their clothes more!
So there you have it! 6 important things to remember that will help you overcome communication problems in your relationships.