Myth 1 -Soulmate relationships should be easy.

Relationships are not always easy. Why is it that we can spend so much time at work each and every day to bring home a paycheck yet we barely give our relationship a second thought? We expect it to run smoothly on its own without any maintenance, without any glitches, and without any problems. How silly is that?

All relationships take time, energy, work, commitment and determination. If you want a wonderful soulmate relationship then you may need to make some sacrifices in other areas. Perhaps you’ll have to work less overtime, spend more time with your partner, work on communication, plan more things together, and compromise.

Think of a relationship like a garden. By following the suggestions in this book you’ll plant the seeds. Working on yourself and your soulmate-attracting skills is the soil. Once you find your true love you begin watering this garden and are careful to pull up any weeds that sprout. But over time what happens? You get used to being in the relationship and you stop watering it and neglect the weeds. What do you think will happen then? The garden will die. Instead, if you carefully tend to your “love garden” you’ll be rewarded with a relationship that blossoms and grows bigger over time.

Myth 2 – Soulmates don’t have conflict

Nothing could be further from the truth. Any relationship without conflict is a relationship between two dead people. You’re human, he’s human, you have different personalities, stress factors, and everything else tossed into the mix. How could you not have conflict sometimes? The key is how well you handle this.

I’ve had couples come to me who are certain they’re soulmates and the beginning of their relationship was filled with joy, peace, passion and not a single argument. Then one day something shifts and someone gets ticked off or hurt and conflict makes its first appearance. That doesn’t mean things are doomed, it means you’re normal.

Conflict can be healthy because it forces a couple to look at their differences and understand each other’s perspective. It makes you look inside yourself, to acknowledge and examine your own core values and beliefs, and learn to appreciate that your partner has his own. Consider this a valuable opportunity to communicate and grow stronger as a couple.

Myth 3 – Soulmates are always romantic

Real life is seldom like romantic movies or novels. While it’s true that in the beginning of relationships our hormones are in a frenzy so the passion and romance is usually high, those chemicals soon wane and we’re left with true love…or true disappointment.

Also, we shouldn’t compare real life romance with what we see on the screen or read in magazines or books. When you think about it, what is romance, really? Candy and jewelry and flowers? Those are just materialistic things. Each person expresses romance in different ways. Using my relationship as an example, Mike isn’t the most romantic guy if you go by what Cosmo or novels label as real romance. Instead of feeling hurt or irked about his non-romantic ways, I pay attention to other things he does. He always opens doors for me, compliments me, pays for vacations, won’t let me help bring in the groceries if it’s raining, cooks dinner a few nights week, does dishes and laundry, sends an “I miss you” greeting card if he’s out of town, etc. Not once have I ever gotten flowers or jewelry, that’s not his romance style, but I’ve grown to love his style and find it incredibly romantic.

The lesson here is to not force a man to comply with your idea of romance. You can meet in the middle and also pay attention to his personal romance style. This one tip alone could mean the difference between falling (or staying) in love or constantly being disappointed.

Myth 4 – Soulmates should think alike

No matter how much we want to believe otherwise at times, we don’t share the same brain. Sure, soulmate relationships can be much easier, deeper, and more meaningful than non-soulmate relationships, but you won’t always think alike.

A lot of women and men believe that if you’re truly soulmates then you’re “one” and you’ll think and feel alike and want and need the same things. The truth is, you’re two different souls in two different bodies with two different brains. Rejoice in the fact that you aren’t identical in every way. This gives you both chances to explore new things since you’ll be able to share your own likes and dislikes with one another. It can open up the door to conversations, trying new things out, and being happy with the fact that he’s him and you’re you.

Myth 5 – Soulmates should be able to always speak their mind

I had a client several years ago who was completely confused as to why his wife, whom he believed was his soulmate, would get upset over the fact that he was so blunt and to the point. He felt that if two people are truly soulmates then the relationship needed to be “as honest as possible.”

While it’s good to be honest, you still need to take the other person’s feelings into consideration. Your partner doesn’t have to hear everything you’re thinking, such as how awful his plaid shorts are or the fact that he’s losing more hair and gaining more gut. Always treat your soulmate as you want to be treated, and view the relationship through the eyes of love. If you feel you absolutely must say something ask yourself, “Is this for the highest good of our relationship? Am I doing it with love?”

If you’re simply stressed out or frustrated about something else, find ways to let off steam and relax such as power yoga or a long walk, rather than focusing on smaller things. Then again, if you find that your partner just bugs you day and night, you might want to ask yourself where all of the anger and resentment is coming from and work on those issues rather than covering them up with petty things.

Myth 6 – In a soulmate relationship all issues will be resolved

Studies have shown that more than 80% of all relationship issues are never resolved. As I talked about earlier, you’re two different people and you aren’t always going to agree. That’s okay! As long as it isn’t an issue that’s detrimental to the relationship or your mutual happiness or health then many times it’s best to just agree to disagree. This is so much better than wasting all that time and energy trying to change each other.

Myth 7 – Sex in a soulmate relationship is amazing, or doesn’t really matter

Over the years I’ve heard both sides of this thinking. Some people believe that if you’re with a soulmate then the sex will be absolutely mind blowing. Then there are others who think that if you’re with a soulmate it’s something so ethereal that sex doesn’t even need to enter the equation. I knew a couple who would meditate for hours at a time just to quell their hormones since they felt it would ruin their soulmate union. I felt so bad for them since they were wasting time and didn’t really understand the whole soulmate thing.

Sex is not only a human urge, but a spiritual one as well. I believe when we leave this Earth and go to the other side we can still have sex in spirit form. Connecting with one another on a sexual level helps us to connect on a spiritual level as well.

When you’ve got a full time job, a house to take care of, kids to tend to, and the many other chores that come with life on Earth, sex is so often put on the backburner. It’s one of the best ways to bond with your partner and release those pent-up stress hormones. Put sex at the top of your list rather than at the bottom.

On the other hand, there are those who think that if you’re with a soulmate then you’ll always be in the mood for sex and multiple orgasms will be a common occurrence. Talk about pressure! The best thing is to find someone who’s sexually compatible with you. A soulmate union only deepens the sexual bond between two people.

Myth 8 – If my partner would only change I know we’d be soulmates

This is a huge misconception, though one that’s all too common. You feel you’d have a great relationship if only he’d change. Or, you’ll make some changes once you see him making an effort first. This stubbornness will only keep you stuck and unable to improve your relationship.

Instead of focusing on all of your partner’s flaws, turn your thinking around and see what changes you can make. How can you be your best? Not just in the relationship, but in your life. You can’t expect the best if you aren’t giving your best. Ask yourself who you want to be, how you want to be, and how you want your partner to see you. Then ask yourself if you’re living your life according to your vision. If not, start today. In time you’ll probably see that your partner starts changing as well. If not, then you have to ask yourself if you’re really soulmates or if you should find someone who’s better suited for you.

Myth 9 – If I’m with my soulmate he’ll love me no matter what

This is not only a flawed way of thinking but a sad one as well. It’s giving yourself permission to be as irresponsible, or bitchy, or cold as you want and he should love you anyway. Or, you can just stop taking care of yourself and still expect him to be attracted to you. We aren’t always at our best and over time we get older and maybe put on a few pounds, but that’s different than just giving up and not caring.

A client of mine gained 200 pounds after she lost her job. As you can imagine, losing her job set in motion a whole list of things that led up to her huge weight gain. Instead of being proactive and seeking another job or going back to school to get a better job, she allowed her unemployment to wreak havoc on her self-esteem. She got depressed, stayed home all the time, and used food to make herself feel better. When she stopped caring about herself it was hard for her husband to keep being her cheerleader and he soon stopped caring too.

Soulmate unions work on mutual energy. What we give out we receive. We can’t expect our soulmate to love us “no matter what.”

This was an excerpt from my book Together Forever – How To Find And Keep Your Soulmate

Are you stuck, curious, worried or confused? Want more tips on developing your intuition, contacting your spirit guides, or living a happier life? Stop by my site today: Psychic Readings By Dr Kelly for my latest articles, books, and readings!

Everyone needs help sometimes. Whether you’re worried about your career or finances, wondering if you’ll soon find love or what will happen to your relationship, curious about your future or past lives, I can help.

With over 20 years experiences as a psychic counselor, author, and radio show host, I’ve assisted tens of thousands of people in finding the answers they need to live happier, healthier, more successful lives.

No matter what your current situation is, it can always be better. Let me help you get to that place in life where you can breathe a sigh of relief and know that things are finally going your way. Or maybe just answer some questions that have been on your mind.

I look forward to reading for you – Light and blessings…

Kelly

Article Source:

There are many women and men who stay in relationships even though they are not appreciated and loved in the relationship. They are abused or mistreated or used, yet they refuse to let go of the relationship on the premise that they can make their partner fall in love with them.

One problem with this is losing your individuality while trying to conform to someone else’s desires. Your partner doesn’t love you but they claim to love women who stay home and take care of their needs. So you quit your job and spend all of your time trying to make your partner happy by staying home and catering to them. When they still don’t love you after that change you try to become another person you think they would love.

In the end you are not your unique and individual self anymore but instead a person who has no true identity. You become confused about who you are and what you really stand for in life after changing personalities so many times and you begin to have low self-esteem.

Another problem with trying to convince your partner to fall in love with you is it never works!

Just because you change your personality to make yourself into someone you think they will love doesn’t mean that you have completely become someone they love. Instead you are actually the same person you were before playing make-believe. You are being fake and essentially lying to yourself and your partner. They see that and it’s not a turn on for them.

They may view you as pathetic and stay with you out of guilt, or they may take advantage of your drive for them to love you because they know you will not leave them no matter what they do. This means that they can use you for assets you have that they want and ignore the rest of you. This will further confuse you because it will seem as though they are interested in you and you will wonder why they are not fully in love with you.

The best thing to do is to get out of the relationship if you are not loved. Do not waste your time trying to convince someone that you are for them or that is all you will be doing, wasting time.

This is common. Relationships are not just little moments that we experience in our lives, but they are a huge part of our life that we don’t want to let go of. We had good moments and bad moments and a boat full of memories, and it seems a waste to leave this relationship and have to go out and start all over again.

Unfortunately staying in a bad relationship is only prolonging your unhappiness and wasting time that could be enjoyed. While you can fix relationships with the right knowledge and the right desire to fix it, you can’t fix a relationship that doesn’t want to be fixed. So if you are in a relationship that has no future then you need to move on from it and find a future with happiness.

Start by admitting the truth to yourself. You are not happy, your relationship is not healthy, and you are not able to fix it. Once you start being fully truthful with yourself then you will find the rest of the steps easier to take.

Make a plan to leave the relationship so all the stress is not thrown on you all at once. Your partner may put a lot of stress on you while you are leaving the relationship and if you don’t have a plan in place then the stress of not knowing what you are doing and the stress from you partner may be too much to deal with.

The more commitments you share together the more you will have to plan. If you think your partner is going to agree with you then you can make a plan together. If not, then you can make a plan by yourself. Either way have the details of what you are going to do, where you are going to go, how you are going to get there, and what may happen after that ready to go before you leave. This will make the transition easier and run smoother.

Without a plan you may find it too stressful to leave and back out of doing it all together. This will leave you in the unhappy relationship and you will probably have to go through the whole process again in a few months.

Give each other some space after you leave so that you can both experience life without your relationship. This will give you both an insight into the fact that life can go on, and it can even get better if you choose to let it. If you don’t create that space then you will be dealing with feelings of confusion, anger, hurt, and guilt for a longer period of time then you need to.

Then start taking action towards your new life. Start working towards your new goals as an individual. Start doing things that make you happy and bring you joy! Start engaging in this new way of living and soon it will become a normal way of living, and your bad relationship will be a thing of the past.

Unfortunately once we have caught the person we are trying to get we may lose interest in them as time goes on. Here are three reasons why that may happen.

1. Impressing Each other Goes Out The Window.

In the beginning you are your partner were on your best behavior. You both put a lot of effort into making yourself look good and impressing the other personal. They meant you paid attention to what you said, how you said it, and how you acted towards your partner. But somewhere along the line you and your partner lost the need to impress each other and just became comfortable with who you are.

You figured that you are your new love interest were solid and you didn’t have to put any more effort into letting them see the best you, and this is what causing interest to go out the window!

You no longer have to show them what you can offer them in the way of a partner BUT you still need to show them what you can offer them in a committed relationship. You should be impressing them with your love and interest and patience and understanding – and anything else you can think of.

So start to trying to impress your partner again and you will find they will respond positively.

2. Will the Real You Please Stand Up?

Did that show my age a little? Probably. But the point is if you are pretending to be someone else to impress someone then eventually you are going to have to present them with the real you.

This means that if you told them you were an active person who loved spending every free minute outside doing activities, and you actually prefer your weekly line up of reality TV shows, then eventually you are going to want to sit down and relax while you watch your shows.

This will surprise them and cause a break in a bond they thought the two of you shared. They may not understand why the sudden change and they may mistake it for a lack of interest in them. Or they may understand perfectly that you lied in order to get them in your pocket, and now the real you as decided to come out and deny them the pleasure they got from sharing that interest with you.

Either way it will not be good. They may put up with the new behavior for a while but they will be upset and annoyed while doing it – and chances are you will lose their interest because of it.

3. You’ve Become Too Needy

When you first met you had separate lives; Separate activities and interests. You were impressed by each-others individuality, as well as your common traits, and that’s what brought you together. But now one of you needs to be attached to the other one constantly.

Part of being in a relationship is spending time together and sharing your life together, but it does not mean that you have to be tied at the hip together. You still have separate interests and needs. You are still two unique individuals.

The way I look at it is – you are always going to have you in your life. That’s the one relationship that you will always have! You need to spend some quality time with yourself doing the things you enjoy, whether it’s alone or with someone other than your partner.

Sharing your lives together is essential to a happy relationship, but always being together is not healthy. You are a unique individual who has unique interests from your partner, and if you stifle those interests and activities to please your partner then you both suffer. You also want to keep your unique self alive by being with just yourself once in a while. If you do this you will find that you have more to give your partner because you are not exactly like them.

Losing interest is not a required part of a relationship. These are just a few tips to help you regain the excitement you had in the beginning of the relationship.

Trust in a relationship is huge, and when trust is abundant happiness is also abundant. But unfortunately when there is a lack of trust or no trust in the relationship the exact opposite can be true. Jealousy, suspicion, and fights can come out of mistrust.

The other unfortunate thing is that trust can be broken instantly while trust is only gained over time.

If you cheat, lie to, or hurt your partner in someway that trust can vanish right now. And you may be left wondering how to regain their trust in the relationship.

By understanding the simple concept of trust needs to be built  upon you can start building your blocks right away.

First let the person know why they have a right to not trust you. Validating their feelings and owning up to your mistakes will go a long way in allowing them to start the process of trying to trust you. On the other hand, if you deny what you have done and make them feel bad for losing trust in you then you will surely be in for a long battle.

After you have kicked off building their trust towards you follow a few simple rules.

1. Stay honest.

Don’t lie about anything anymore – big or small. Even if you lie about something that you consider pointless they will still consider it a lie! Even white lies are lies. Telling them something to spare their feelings is doing no good for you or their trust in the end. Constructive criticism will work better at this point than lying will.

2. Be Patient

Don’t expect them to trust you completely tomorrow. You may be asked questions that make you feel as though they don’t trust you, but that’s exactly why they are asking them!

For instance if you cheated on your partner and they are now asking you who you were with and why you were with them answer the question. You should have nothing to hide and you are just validating the fact that they have nothing to worry about. The questions should die down as trust begins to re-enter the relationship, but there is no time-frame that you can put on it. Have patience.

3. Keep your actions in line with your words.

Your words are not the only thing your partner will be watching from now on. Your actions will speak louder than you words always!

So if you say that you are interested in what they are talking about then show interest. If you say you are not interested in that woman down that street then don’t stare at her when you think your partner is not looking.

Body language accounts for about 90% of all language! So remember that and keep your body language in line with your words otherwise you are going to have one hell of a time rebuilding that trust even if you say all the right things and have all the patience in the world!

Follow these 3 steps until you have regained their trust. It may be a long road but if you are in it for the long-haul then that won’t matter. It will be worth it in the end. Besides you really should have nothing to hide anymore if you are being honest, right?